This used to be strictly a photo blog...when I was learning my new camera and learning new uploading software, I would email photos here and learn to resize and learn photoshop and edit, etc.

Anyway, no longer. Digital Cashmere is far too good of a blog name to not utilize for my actual blog. And I've decided to move away from the myspace blog and back to a blogspot one for the 07, so this is my new home. Hopefully, if you stop by, you will find something that amuses or interests or intrigues or angers you here. That is what I like, to inspire actual feeling.

So, if you don't know me, don't know what I have been through over the past few years - what will be coming to a close after my surgery in February, then really there is no way to fully catch you up. You either had to be there, or you will have to buy the book. Or, eventually watch the movie. In which ScarJo (curvy ScarJo, not leanmean ScarJo) will play me, no matter how far from all realities this may be!

The only thing that is imperative to know is this...2007 will bring me to 30, 2007 will bring me to cancer free, 2007 will bring me to a place of less than 25 pills a day, of not being a hormonally destroyed psychotic mess of a person.

And all of these things were in question.

So, at this, the end of 2006, I have a lot to be thankful for, I know. It isn't over. I've been working this morning, at home, on Christmas eve. And crying. Because right now, I still take the pills. And I'm still on the treatments. I'm still in menopause. Still hormonal. Still overly sensitive and in pain.

I've still got a little ways left to go in my marathon, but I am almost there. And, I'm totally going to finish this bitch.
There were some doubters. Some haters. Sometimes, me being the biggest one. There were those who refused to believe the magnitude because I refused to show it - I still got up and went to work every day. Still went to movies, still talked shit, still silently judged people.

I lost 40 pounds. And I got so tired that I cried sometimes because I felt like I couldn't stand up. And I developed permanent gray bags under my eyes and I got gray hairs and I became this annoying, sniveling girl.

But, I lived. I continued. I did not let this disease or this treatment or anyone or anything, including my doubts and fears, hold me down for very long.

I am closing out possibly the worst year of my life in a lot of respects. Physically - yes. The second time in 2.5 years took a drastic, hardcore toll on me. Emotionally - yes. It broke me down, feeling this physically devastated every day. Spiritually - yes. I almost gave up my hope.

But, I am starting a New Year. Fresh skies. Blank canvas. And I have been given a new chance...good news. A gift from the gods. Amazing, that I, Me, this smartass, sassy, sometimes doubting, sometimes bullshitting, sarcastic girl from the midwest would be given this Gift From The Gods.

And I want to do it right. I do not want to take it for granted. I want to see it for what it is...I want to hold it to the light. I want to do what I am supposed to do. I want to keep what I am supposed to, to shed what I am supposed to, to learn what I am supposed to, and most of all, I want to learn to appreciate what I have rather than ache for what I don't.

I have so much. I have enough. I have more than enough. I am here, breathing, affording (no matter that it is barely) my medicine and food, living, loving, laughing.

I want to appreciate what I have rather than ache for what I do not have.

My goal for 2007. My goal for my re-up...2007 is my re-up.