Pics of a completely abandoned village in Italy

i found this pretty interesting...aerial, Google earth images and ground view...

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i don't know what it means. or what i'm supposed to feel. this word that they have thrown at me. new meds. this team. these men.

i hate that they will never know even the beginning. i hate that i have reached a point where they see even the beginning of my tears.

i am so exhausted. i am so scared. my tears, just like my kindess, do not only represent weakness.

i am still here.


from the hospital today...

the disease may be back, according to early tests and some symptoms for the past week.

rapid weight gain of 21 pounds. :(

infection. i'm so tired. i don't know if i can do this again.

procedure on tuesday. that's where things are here. just fyi.


just things an insomniac types with another morning here

with the sun, and the pain and the world peeking in. the words are like burdens at my fingertips again. i don't want to look at this screen or type any more than i want to participate in another day of pretend. of emails and phone calls and fake laughter. of knowing that just like me, they are needy and that we wear each other out and need each other to hold each other high. one of us has to be on, to leave in order to support the rest of us who are hiding from the world. there are a lot of us who are scared of what is out there, and a lot of us who understand. who bolster up to do the bad things that pay the most in the quickest amount of time so that we can leave quickly and come back paid. it is a community that we forge and we know our place. we are not fond of the non group players.

i only want to sleep at night again. eat sometimes. stop this hurt.