?

i don't know what it means. or what i'm supposed to feel. this word that they have thrown at me. new meds. this team. these men.

i hate that they will never know even the beginning. i hate that i have reached a point where they see even the beginning of my tears.

i am so exhausted. i am so scared. my tears, just like my kindess, do not only represent weakness.

i am still here.