not dead, burning up...the fever is consuming me

just not doing well.

the thing, it's inside me now. it's big. bigger than i could have imagined. and i was shocked when i saw it and knew where it would go. anyway, it's caused problems. pain. infection. the like. hot from the inside out and been in bed for quite some time now. back again, after leaving.

always leaving and back again.

there was danger of being in trouble...there still is. if they want to find me, they will. the hiding is pointless so i stopped. the code everyone was pretending not to get was relevant. i'm hot and tired.

one more trip in the near future...less than a week from now, for less than a week. and then some moments of solitude. again.

i'm not sleeping until the sun comes up. i start my day with help to motivate and focus. i end my day with help to slow down and rest. this is me now. distracted. pained. medicated. struggling.