it's decision time again...

i'm going on a mission to lose the hormone weight that i've gained in my middle.

the doctors say that it can't be done. the doctors say that it's my body packing on around the area where my reproductive organs used to be in response to the HRT and that i should know that based on how little i eat {less than 1000 calories a day} and how much i sweat {i can't even type about it, it's so disgusting}...but i've decided that i will win.

i got my body in the shape of my life while getting chemotherapeutic treatments and having multiple surgeries & procedures a week - AND being unable to eat solid food for nearly five months. i worked, hiked and worked out through that to maintain my strength because i wanted my body to have every advantage while healing during the fight of my life after that surgery.

and it was a good plan, because what was supposed to be a 2 hour surgery turned into nearly a 7 hour surgery and they found and did some crazy things inside of me. and i weighed in at 130 the morning of my surgery and they filled me so full of gas and fluids that even though they took out organs and cancer and blood and adhesions, i went home at 172. i walked the next day, and demanded that they take i.v.'s out and start me on oral meds and water and take me to the bathroom and discharge me that night.

i am strong. i am amazingly strong. and sometimes, i forget my own strength. sometimes, i hear the voices of my doctors and call myself being limited by their words in my ears. but i'm not. i'm not limited by their words. i'm not in a box of their limitations. i'm not a body limited by Hormone Replacement or any other medical structure.

i can be me again. i can fight this out. i can be who i am comfortable being again. i can be who i feel beautiful being again. i don't have to be overweight and justify it with this bottle of {H}ormone {R}eplacement {T}herapy. and i want to start sleeping again. and i don't want to lose my temper, be short with those i love, cry, be tempermental and mean. i want to take control of my moods to the extent that i can, my weight to the extent that i can, my 'Me-ness' to the extent that i can.

and i'm going to do so. starting just as soon as i eat this cake that i just made from scratch!!! LOL!!!

...but for real...i did just make chocolate cake from scratch, baked in plant potters, and with mint sprigs coming out of the top, making it look like dirt with plants growing out of it. sooooo cute!!! i love it!!! i can be pretty creative when i want to be... :)