A warrior dies the hard way. His death must struggle to take him. A warrior does not give himself to death so easily.

*gas face*,

so i was feeling weird saturday morning. i hadn't slept for a while...the insomnia is backbackback, so i thought that could have something to do with it. i'm stressed...that could as well.

but i'm just feeling mad weird. meh. scheduled to go deal some cards in the evening...just trying to get through the day.

and then Bam...it's more than weird. it's bad. pain. meh.

so, after too much time spent dealing with more doctors...the fibro is flaring up. :/ the insomnia was a precursor. tonight, i've had a migraine from hell and my entire body feels like pins & needles, with numbness too. nothing is helping. meh.

i called everyone i know who could possibly come smoke me out but it's the weekend and everyone is out. ended up talking to my friend in seattle b/c even though he's out and drinking, he will try to say supportive things to me when i'm hurting.

and sometimes, when the pain goes from moderate to geezus.fucking.christmas...i feel like being a warrior, dying the hard way, not being able to be taken out...it's some bullshit. b/c it would be soooooo much easier to not hurt sometimes. like i could deal with regular life shit with even just a portion of the medical bullshit that i deal with behind what that disease did to me. but everyfuckingday is a question. waiting to see how my body handles the stressors and hormones and new patch and bloodwork being askew.

and frankly, i don't give a fuck about anything right now except for this thundering pain in my head that won't reside, and the fact that i haven't slept since waking up on thursday morning, or how cold my fingers are and how my shoulders feel like they're pulling in towards the middle of my back and then being rammed into my neck and skull.

nerve damage and fibromyalgia can eat.a.dick.

:(