4.05.2007

this is the place i live


but so does everyone.

i'm not special.
my sadness. my pain. my aloneness.

nothing special.

been had before, by many before me.

i'm not special.

i keep forgetting that.

life is just one humiliation after another...and we should just get used to it.

hormones teach you humiliation. your place. crying in public teaches you humiliation. your place. anger. rage. hormones. loss of control. they teach you humiliation. your place in the world.

am i prepared to live in this world with its harsh need to change me?

this moment...i don't know. i don't know if i have the strength to know.

exhaustion. i'm exhausted. but rest is not healing me. i'm not whole hearted. i can't find me. i have to find my ability to make friends with the unknown.

life sans disease is almost as scary as life with it.

No comments: