...you will close the door behind you,

go your way.

not for the first time i'm looking back on my first love.

i was old, by any standard, for any culture.

unable to think or speak or think or move. hand in glove.

taken aback by the ferocity with which my heart could betray me and love so completely another. ache so much for another. want so much to make another happy - with my intelligence, my conversation, my laughter, my body, my moans, my mouth, my everything.

where is he? he once meant so much to me. i was told love should hold old friends...

not for the first time i'm looking back on all those years.

names ringing in my ears... a time when there was just a bunch of us, around the playstation, the softball field, the waterpipe, the pool table, crawling up the street carrying vodka bottles with nipples screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR!

where are they? they once meant so much to me. i was told love should hold old friends...

...you will close the door behind you, go your way. time will make amends to me. life has moved on.

all of the borderlines have been redrawn...