it's decision time again

one thing - i've said this before, my standards have been, at best, undemanding.

i'm still here, but what if i weren't? where would any of the rest of anything be, that falls in relation to me?

i feel like a lot of the love in my life, a lot of the love that i have learned, depends on geography.

i feel like, for too long, i've given too much of myself to people...even the people who matter a lot, matter the most. like i forgot to remember that I matter THE most!!

when i say i've given too much of myself, i mean i've been too complacent, forgiven too much, accepted too much, not been willing to stand up for myself even on the small things because i've been so unwilling to have confrontation.

i don't want to do that anymore. i'm not sure exactly what my future holds, but i know that one aspect of it is me evolving into a woman with a stronger sense of self. which is different than being a strong woman.

i'm not sure how to feel about some things...

except to know this: i can only be responsible for me. i can only ask others to be responsible for themselves and hope that that responsibility reflects one that mirrors my own, therefore their presence in my life doesn't hurt me. not everyone is like me - not everyone wants to be featured in my blog just because they are part of my life but that doesn't mean that they don't love me, and it doesn't mean that the people who are willing to jump into the public forums of expression are necessarily any *more* better suited for me or love me more or better.

we, or i, try to quantify things that don't necessarily always need to be quantified.

i don't even know what all of my thoughts are about, i just know that my brain is full. it's decision time again.