Mad Windy.

today, it was Mad Windy on my walk in the canyon with mr. blue. after the rain.

and i thought to myself, it's Mad Windy. and when i did, i smiled.
and i watched this whole sequence of events that weren't happening happen in my head.

i saw myself tease a gay man (i wish i could remember his name, but i know that he has a YACHT at a MARINA & DOGS & A MILLION DOLLAR CONDO & RICH PARENTS).
i saw myself swim and float and play with this little girl. i can't remember her name either, damn.
i saw myself play volleyball with a beach ball and say Mad Windy Mad Windy Mad Windy and probably be Hella Annoying but i giggled and laughed and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
i saw myself in the corner of the pool as the sun went down. the hot of my tears against the cold of everything else.
i saw myself get dressed in the green halter dress and sit there and laugh and pose for pictures...still some of my favorite of me from that time period.
i saw myself order and eat appeteasers and be covered, hand to elbow, in wing sauce - also some pretty funny stories.
i saw myself record the ring tone.
i saw myself laugh everytime that it rang...Mad Windy Mad Windy Mad Windy...my phone would scream it out, and that day would flash while my phone rang, and i would laugh, and people would look at me like i was insane because my phone was yelling Mad Windy over and over again, but those words meant something bigger than just the moments than they were happening.

and i'm in the canyon, with the winds whipping me every which way, and a monstrosity of a dog dragging me straight uphill, and i'm crying and saying, 'it's Mad Windy, Mr. Blue, we gotta slow down.'

it's Mad Windy in my life right now. i spend half my day doing/saying things to apologize for, the other half apologizing. trying to serve things up and then chasing them down because the wind has blown them askew. i have not yet made friends with the unknown.