ugh.

i had my surgery and i'm at home. i'm in a lot of pain. like more than i can ever even have imagined. which i guess i can't not expect after everything that was done to me.

anyway, it's always the people that you don't expect - and the surprises come from where you think that there is understanding. i can't deal with the bullshit now, i just can't. i'm so tired, but i have to admit to you that there are people who are shocking me with their behavior.

and i got a call from someone that i used to plan my future with. i dated him almost 8 years ago - we started dating when i was pregnant with someone else's baby and planning his adoption. we dated for years, planned our engagement, and ended up badly. we then recovered, picked up a friendship and lost each other again. and then he called me in the hospital.

he is married now. sober for almost two years. living the life we used to talk about when we were fucked up and hoping for something normal - maybe hoping that we could bring the normalcy out in each other.

we talked about meditation, and sobriety, and therapy and yoga. we talked about life now, barely touching on life then. but it was hard to wrap the conversation. it was weird, especially since i was so drugged. maybe b/c i was so drugged. i don't know.
but, it's interesting that he still knows about me. uses the avenues to stay aware. remembers info when he gets it. and called. i was surprised, to say the least. but it was a good conversation.

in other news, my ex-boss the lunatic emailed to ask how i was. the email said how are you????? how are you???? good to see that some communication skills never change.

i'm trying to distract myself from how much pain i'm in. its horrid. seriously. but i took some pics - i weigh 16 pounds more than i did 48 hours ago.
and i've eaten nothing and had organs removed. wow.

meh.