2.13.2007

you're a hard woman to leave...


thirty has been the best birthday to date. fantastic! i had a great party that was so much more than a birthday party - it was a celebration of my life, of beating a disease, of getting to get a group of my friends together for a great night before i have a life threatening surgery after a year of life threatening bs and then spend six weeks in bed.

it was great. so lovely...i got to see so many people that i love. everyone got all dressed up. we laughed. we took pictures. they bought me presents off of my wish list (thank you my lovelies!).

and, i met a man. who told me that i was beautiful and that my dress looked amazing on me and that my hair smelled wonderful. who insisted on driving me home instead of me taking a cab. who, at the end of the night while i was wrapping up and sayiing goodbye, gathered my coat and pashmina and all of my gifts and when i came to get it, held my coat open for me and wrapped me up. who opened my doors for me and carried my packages out for me. who told me that he found me amazing and would like to see me again.

and so we talked again and i got curious. we have a lot in common. we both work with numbers and money. his degree is in finance. he wears a suit to work (hot). he's incredibly complimentary and he likes me and i find myself drawn to him.

so, we talk some more. my friend and i have plans to go and hang out. i ask my friend if he minds if i bring someone else and he doesn't, so i invite him to go to the Getty museum with my friend and i - there's a photography exhibit that i want to see. i expect him to say no because i'm used to being told no, especially if it involves my friends. but he says yes. and we're chatting non-stop...just like me, he reads a lot, he likes politics and movies and philosophy. we had a lot to talk about. and we had a lot of chemistry.

and we got to the museum. and we all went different directions, looking at the art, and then he just came up and took my hand and told me how beautiful i was and how irresistible and how he couldn't resist touching me. and when he took my hand, i got so smiley and tingley. it is what i have been craving and asking for and wanting. to be appreciated and desired and shown attention and affection. and the chemistry. and we smiled at each other and then separated and went to look at the pictures.

and then later, he came up behind me and pulled my hair back and kissed me on the back of my neck and said in my ear 'oh my god, you smell fucking unbelievable, i just want to touch you, you're so soft.' and i knew then that this was exactly what i have wanted all of this time. that i haven't been able to put it into words, but that this was it. that i haven't needed someone to be attached to me like an appendage, but someone who appreciates the womanly aspects of me and appreciates them intermittently, whenever the urge strikes them...whether at the museum or a restaurant or wherever. and i knew that this man is the kind of man that i have wanted, that i've been wanting.

that it's just a matter of finding the kind of man and that man being attracted to you. and he is very attracted to me. so anyway - the museum. and we saw the last king of scotland. and he held me during the movie, stroking my hair and turning to kiss my forehead and nose - which he loves, lol, he loves my nose and my jawline and my neck.

and then we came back to my sofa. and he pulled me into his lap and buried his head in my hair and told me how amazing i smell, how much he loves my smell, and how soft i am - how much he has wanted to touch me and how now that he has touched me i am even softer than he imagined and he hopes that i am comfortable with him touching me a lot because he wants to touch whenever he is near me. he told me that i am beautiful and so incredibly smart and funny and that i am the coolest woman that he has ever met and that he is incredibly fond of me...he likes me so much.

and oh my god. oh my god. how amazing it is...to hear these things. i cried in his lap, to hear these things, to be in the arms of someone attractive and intelligent and articulate and witty and fun and willing to meet my friends and go places and who wants to touch me and who wants to touch me in front of people who is telling me all of the things that i have been aching to hear, touching all of the places that i have been aching to have touched, tickling all of the places that i have been aching to have tickled - without me saying a word.

and then - and this is the part where i laughed with delight at the differences that i am experiencing - when it was time for him to leave, he stood at my door and said to me, 'you are a hard woman to leave.' wow.
wow wow wow

me. lol. who is used to, this past year, someone acting as if i'm a hard woman to touch.

he did things that haven't been done to me in an incredibly long time in ways that i still feel like were a dream sequence and that made me cry with pleasure and then he wrapped his arms around me and put his lips on my neck and laid with me until i was sleepy.

i feel as if i am being incredibly blessed by the universe right now. the job is gone and i'm relaxing before my surgery, meditating and clearing my head. i've been enjoying the company of my friends. i got great gifts for my shower/birthday. i've done great things the past few days. the spa was wonderful. and now this on top of all it. i am, in this moment, incredibly happy.

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